


love you without any strings attached

by Karturtle (karturtle)



Series: you ask me where i've been(like i ask you where you are) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Brothers, Closure, Gen, Hargreeves Fix Their Shit Au, Healing, Personal Growth, also ben says fuck and i think you should read this just for that reason, ben died but he got better, ben loves klaus 2k19, lots of mentions of old trauma, no incest here. i shant, post-season one, the whole 'time travel makes them 13 again' premise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 03:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karturtle/pseuds/Karturtle
Summary: Ben and Klaus have been a pair ever since Klaus was old enough to drag his brother into mischief.





	love you without any strings attached

**Author's Note:**

> _like a tidal wave i'll make a mess_   
>  _or calm waters if that serves you best_   
>  _i will love you without any strings attached_   
>  _it's okay if you can't catch your breath_   
>  _you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest_
> 
>  
> 
> [-two, sleeping at last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrDzd4ufypE)

Ben and Klaus had been a pair since they were kids.

Looking back, Ben knows this started because he was one of the more timid, gullible siblings, and that Klaus hated being alone. Being alone meant Klaus would have time to think or acknowledge his powers and the whispers of the dead creeping up on him. If he was with someone else, it was easier to cope.

On the other hand, Ben _enjoyed_ being alone, enjoyed the times when he wasn’t under a microscope or being tossed around in training like a ragdoll for the sake of some nebulous greater good. But over time, they found themselves together more and more. And maybe Ben was just too young and shy to make him go away, or maybe he was incredibly empathetic to Klaus’ issues because he knew what it was like to have your power hang over your head like a knife on a string.

Either way, Ben would always give in to his brother and he often became Klaus’ reluctant partner in crime. And over time, he found that he didn’t mind Klaus’ company. Sure, he could be loud and talk for hours, and he had weird, bad habits, but he was slowly becoming Ben’s best friend.

Of course, like most good things in life, their father eventually started to look down on this. As they grew older and Klaus started acting more erratic, dear old dad would often make comments. How Four was only dragging Six down, and that he wasn’t a good influence. That Six had so much untapped potential but he wasted his time with Four, and that if he ever caught Six stealing from his liquor cabinets or taking something he shouldn’t like his brother, he’d make sure Four and Six wouldn’t be allowed alone together ever again.

He never knew what to say when that happened, so Ben always just mumbled a quick ‘yes dad,’ ducking his head and leaving the room.

Now, of course, hanging out with Klaus meant that sometimes Ben occasionally did.. things. Always in the dead of night with no one awake, always locked in Klaus’ room so he wouldn’t be caught.

He tried cigarettes once, perching with Klaus by his bedroom window, and he started coughing so hard that he dropped it out the window and his brother acted like he’d been punched. Ben was so scared someone heard him than he quickly scrambled back to his own room and pretended to be asleep, Klaus snickering as he went.

There was a sip of liquor every now and then, but he never understood how Klaus drank so much of it, the burn in his throat always giving him a coughing fit (Why did all Klaus’ pastimes have him coughing his lungs out?). When they were 15, he asked Klaus once how he could possibly enjoy alcohol so much, and Klaus had scoffed and said he didn’t drink it for the _taste,_ Benny.

After that day, he stopped stealing sips whenever Klaus offered him something.

Admittedly, he did kind of enjoy weed. It made things simpler, easier, chilled him out. The undercurrent of fear was gone. He could understand why Klaus did it so much, and when he was sober again, the thought scared him. He loved Klaus, but he didn’t want to end up with all these vices like him.

Thankfully for Ben, they were never caught doing it together. But some days Reginald would give the two of them such a scrutinizing look that Ben had a moment of panic, wondering if he knew something.

Maybe it was the usual ‘I can’t stand my sons being friends’ thing, maybe it was the ‘I have a disturbing amount of cameras in my children’s bedrooms’ thing, but when he upped Ben’s training to keep him busy and away from Klaus, it felt he was being punished for something.

In the end, of course, it didn’t work. They were thick as thieves by that point - Klaus stuck to his brother like glue, and Ben was enamored. Not in the same way as Allison and Luther, though. Nothing like that, eugh. He just.. he could see that Klaus wasn’t the most put together, and was constantly doing weird, dangerous things. But despite all that, Ben was drawn to him and how he constantly did his own thing and defied their father without a care. He was completely authentic and unique, never once letting that go for his father’s wishes.

He wore skirts and tight shirts and stole Allison’s nail polish, rolled blunts under the kitchen table five feet away from his father, constantly rolled his eyes, and always had a grin and a joke ready despite the quiet horrors of the house they were growing up in. The others always thought he was immature and acting out for attention, and maybe he was. But he was also fearlessly being himself, and Ben thought it was amazing.

He didn’t understand how Klaus didn’t crumble when father snapped at him or punished him. Didn’t know how he just sighed and waited it out while he was berated in front of all his siblings. Ben knew he wasn’t invincible - the comments stung and the punishments sucked. Every time the words ‘you’re a great disappointment to me, Number Four.’ came out of dad’s mouth, Ben would later find Klaus on the fire escape chainsmoking.

But the thing was, in spite of all that, nothing ever stopped Klaus from doing any of it. He was never deterred. He never conformed, never stopped being himself when father was getting on his case.

Meanwhile, whenever Ben got in trouble with the man, he’d instinctively make himself as small as he could and feel his heart sinking as he got lectured. It felt like a personal failure, like he wasn’t good enough, like he was _bad_. His father expected _better_ from him, and he knew it, so why would he make such a childish, grievous error? He felt like he had to be perfect whenever his father was around, never say the wrong thing, do it all right because his father thought highly of him.

Ben had plenty of thoughts and opinions about the house and their powers and how they were treated - he couldn’t not, when his best friend was a genderqueer punk. But he could never say them out loud like Klaus did. Couldn’t call their father out, couldn’t tell Luther to stop being an asshole, couldn’t convince Allison not to rumor Klaus to make him stop screaming at night.

(He didn’t realize how trapped he felt by his silence until he was well and truly dead, and then he was trapped by a entirely new kind of silence.)

Once, when Klaus was high and making oddly perceptive comments, he asked Ben if he always tried to be so good because he was scared of the bad thing inside of him taking control. Ben.. didn’t know what to say to that. It made so much sense, and he never had the words to explain it before. But he didn’t know what to do with this new revelation, so he just kept it to himself, like he did with most things.

As they got older and grew up with each other, Ben started to feel like he was the one sticking to Klaus instead of the other way around, a moth to a flame trying to figure out how to borrow some of the light for himself. Trying to get some of Klaus’ fearlessness to rub off on him so maybe he’d feel comfortable in his own skin for once.

And- well, of course Klaus wasn’t totally fearless. He was still scared of some things. He still had days where he shivered in Ben’s arms, eyes darting around at things only he could see. There were still days where he’d be reprimanded for curling up in his chair at dinner, wincing and hissing at the unseen things around him to _go away, stop, please_.

So maybe he wasn’t fearless per-se. But Ben still wanted what he had. Because the thing was, Klaus wasn’t afraid of Reginald Hargreeves. When you’re constantly surrounded by misshapen ghosts begging you to help them find peace, being afraid of some asshole that raised you is laughable.

Now that Ben’s older and looking back, he thinks Reginald knew. Knew how little his son cared for anything he did, any orders he gave. Klaus had the most contentious relationship with his father, not because he picked fights with him or called him names, but because he disregarded everything Reginald said and broke his rules at every turn.

It escalated, as a lot of things did when their father didn’t get his way. Eventually, he determined that the best way to get Ben to stop was to occupy Klaus instead of him. If Ben couldn’t be persuaded, he could keep Klaus away instead.

When they were just on the cusp of 13, Father stood up after dinner one night and said that Klaus needed ‘personal training’. Klaus tried to escape it, saying it’s _late_ and he’s _tired_ dad, and he just wants to go to bed (or wanted to go smoke pot). Reginald only grabbed his arm with a cold look in his eye and took him away, giving him a long lecture about how he only scratched the surface of his powers, and they had to unlock his potential.

He saw the jealous look in Luther’s eye at Klaus having father’s undivided attention, and Diego muttered and complained, saying ‘his powers aren’t even _useful_ ’. Ben didn’t share the same envy, didn’t want his father’s attention and scrutiny. And why would he, when Klaus came back the next day so completely shaken that now _he_ was the one holding himself tightly, making himself as small as he could?

He was pale and clammy, his eyes darting around terrified. He was covered in grime and cobwebs. He didn’t even look in Ben’s direction when he tried to ask what had happened. As soon as Reginald let Klaus go, Klaus went go upstairs and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. Reginald just told Ben to return to his studies at once and not bother Number Four while he reflected on his training.

Later Ben tried to help, knocking and asking questions, but there was complete silence for once. He’d only realize just how bad the training was when it was four in the morning and Klaus was crawling into his bed and under the covers, cold as a corpse.

He woke up with a complaint on his tongue at the rude awakening, but Klaus clung to him like his life depended on it, shaking like a leaf. Any annoyance was forgotten while he held his brother and tried to shush him and tell him it was okay, tell him he was there and the ghosts wouldn’t get him.

When he mentioned the ghosts, Klaus started crying even harder.

The next time father said he needed ‘personal training’, Klaus dug his nails into the table as he tried to take him away.

“Ben.” He stressed, looking at his brother with more fear than he’d ever seen on him in his life. “ _Ben_.”

It seemed that Klaus finally had a reason to fear Reginald Hargreeves.

Ben regrets this memory more than anything, because he didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to disappoint his father by speaking out. But two days later, when Klaus crawled into his bed sobbing his heart out and asking _why_ , Ben discovered that he hated disappointing Klaus a lot more than he hated disappointing his father.

He never knew exactly what the training was until he was dead.

Klaus was barely 21 and barely lucid, shivering in a secluded alleyway. Withdrawal was setting in, and he seemed lost, not trying to find his next hit or anything, only sitting there. Ben’s dry comments had fallen on deaf ears for the past hour. It was getting bad enough this time around that Ben and his ghostly judgment decided that standing back and letting Klaus ruin his life could wait for a night, because his brother needed him.

He was mumbling something, and as Ben crouched next to him, it got louder and he could understand more of it. Things started clicking into place when Klaus said in a scared, childlike voice, that _he couldn’t go back in the mausoleum, dad, please, don’t, he’ll do anything-_

If ghosts could feel sick, Ben would’ve thrown up. Klaus only got more panicked as he begged his father to let him out, lost in a memory he never told a soul about. He watched as Klaus curled up into an even tighter ball and started sobbing and rocking himself back and forth, eyes darting around the alleyway.

All Ben could think of was the way his brother looked at him with pleading eyes that one night, and he just sat there obediently as his brother was carted off to be scarred for life, _again_.

He tried to snap Klaus out of it but he only scared him more, so Ben could only stand back and watch, like he used to do as a kid, and he fucking _hated it_.

Staying with Klaus after he died, that wasn’t the only thing Ben had missed when they were growing up. It wasn’t just Klaus accidentally offering up terrible details about his childhood, no. Being with him every moment of the day, Ben got to see just how badly his relationship with his family got, too.

The first year he was dead was the tipping point. He definitely held a grudge about the way Klaus was treated in the aftermath of Ben’s funeral. They were all trying to cope differently, sure, whatever. But none of them seemed understanding when their brother was losing it. He and Ben were best friends, and Klaus couldn’t even see him and didn’t have the comfort of being haunted by his brother yet. So, yes, everyone else was in pain, but Klaus was drowning and wasn’t even trying to swim.

And one by one, they slowly let him.

Five was already gone, Vanya had her own deep rooted issues and was quieter than ever. Allison gave Klaus more pity than sympathy as she tried to distance herself from her family and make her own way into Hollywood. Luther never understood Klaus, and never bothered trying when all he did was break the rules and make trouble. Diego tried more than the others, because he always had the biggest heart despite what he’d say, but as soon as he was accepted into the police academy, he left and didn’t look back.

Dad blamed Klaus for his death, which is the first thing in a long time that made Ben well and truly angry.

They labelled him a junkie and let him struggle by himself. They considered him a lost cause and it was clear to both Ben and Klaus. Ben watched as Klaus slowly pulled himself into some semblance of the person he used to be, and tried to hide the heart he so often wore on his sleeve.

Ben doesn’t get how things fell apart so fast.

When they were kids, they played together and Klaus floated between siblings like the social butterfly he was. Klaus and Allison painted each others nails and gossiped. He and Diego were always roughhousing and daring each other to do something dumb. Klaus would sit outside Vanya’s door while she practiced violin, listening for hours to drown out the ghosts. He’d pester Five with endless questions and had learned he could get the boy to do just about anything by saying ‘eh, you’re probably just too chicken’.

But then they started moving into adulthood. They distanced themselves from the Umbrella Academy, and Ben couldn’t blame them for that. But Klaus was isolated and alone, and that was the worst thing possible for him. He _needed_ someone.

Ben didn’t approve of his addictions in any way, shape, or form, but he could look at Klaus’ life and understand how it got this bad.

And yes, he knows how dealing with an addict can be stressful on people, and how they all had their own lives to live. He understands that. But it’s Klaus. Their brother. Sure, he was a mess, still kind of is, but they’ve all got their own shit to deal with and kicking Klaus out of the sibling club is a pretty bad way of handling it, in his professional opinion.

Maybe he’s being callous to his other siblings, but they haven’t seen what he’s seen. They don’t get it.

Now that they’re all kids again, Ben is starting to think Klaus took it more personally than he thought. Ever since their father’s funeral, he’s had a guard up against his siblings, a certain flippant attitude he put on when nothing was alright. He was good at it, considering he’d been trained to show no weakness his entire life, even if it barely stuck. And sure, he’s fine being an addict in front of them, fine being the screw up, fine letting them watch as he gives up on his shitty powers. He couldn’t exactly hide those things when they’ve been watching him self destruct since Ben died.

But now, after a lifetime of trauma and being brushed aside and dismissed, he has a hell of a hard time opening up to anyone but Ben.

It was like pulling teeth. Ben knew he feared giving any more ammunition to use against him when they’d given up on him. Klaus grew up with a thicker skin than you’d think, so the comments about his habits and powers were always laughed off. He’d even play along sometimes, make his self deprecating jokes because he _knew_. But these days he won’t let them see anything deeper than that, because it’d break him in a new way if his relationship with his siblings and the fragile peace they have was shattered again.

As Ben starts to form new relationships with them too, he has to let some things go for the sake of the future. But he knows Klaus isn’t doing the same thing. Sure, he spends much more time with the others chatting aimlessly. But he’s always ready with a snappy comeback or an excuse, waiting to be told off for something, and the moments where he genuinely opens up are brief.

After watching this for awhile, watching Klaus pull away from everyone so it won’t hurt so much when it falls apart, Ben thinks this is what needs to change for Klaus. The drugs, sure, that’s not good and they’re working on it, but if Klaus could just be honest with his family for once and lay it all out on the table and they accepted him for it, that might just be a step towards recovery.

He knows it would be, because all the times he’s been in rehab with Klaus, he remembers them saying that a support system is important to recovery. To making sobriety stick. Klaus always laughed them off or made some excuse about how he has a _big_ family and they don’t need to worry about his ‘support system’, it’s fine, yes he has a home to go to when he’s discharged.

And then he’d be back on the street, tossing his 30 day chip in a dumpster.

“You’re not alone in this anymore, y’know.” 13 year old adult Ben says one day, after throwing out all the booze in bar.

Klaus is sitting on a barstool drumming his fingers on his thigh, giving Ben a weak thumbs up after the deed has been done. “Aw baby Ben, I was never alone, remember?” He replies, trying not to think of how much booze they just wasted. “Five is going to kill you in your sleep, by the way.”

“Guess I’ll just haunt him.” Ben shrugs before getting back to his point, “And I wasn’t talking about back then. You’ve gotta admit having nothing but a ghost for a friend wasn’t the best for you.”

Klaus makes a dismissive noise. “No one else _got_ me like you, though, Ben Ten. Don’t sell yourself short. You were a good ghost companion, with your--” He waves a hand vaguely, and then stops talking as if that explained what he was trying to say.

“Stop trying to make this about me, Klaus. You were alone.” He says sharply, then sighs, making sure his voice is gentler when he says, “You don’t have to keep acting like there’s another shoe to be dropped. They’re trying to make up for everything now.

Klaus makes a face, sucking in a breath through his teeth, “No, boo- ha, get it, _boo_ , I just came up with that-”

Ben snaps his fingers loudly, and his brother reluctantly gets back on track.

“..We’re making up for what happened to _Vanya_ , all of us. That’s about the extent of our family bonding right now. There’s still oodles of baggage to unpack.” He wiggles his fingers at Ben, giving him a half-hearted smile, “Besides, bigger fish to fry! End of the world and all, also Lilo and Stitch is coming out _again_ and that’s pretty big on the agenda--"

“ _Klaus_ .” Ben puts his hand on the bar, levelling Klaus with a stare. He looks around for a moment, uncomfortable, before he finally looks Ben in the eye. “They treated you like crap. They left. It’s fine to be pissed at them, but this isn’t going to work if you don’t let them _know_ you’re pissed at them.”

“I’m not pissed at them.” Klaus mutters, looking away again and putting his chin in his hand, elbow rested on the bar. “Sure, they could’ve- could’ve _called_ once in awhile-”

“The only phone you’ve ever had, you dropped down a manhole.”

“-as I was _saying_ \-- I don’t think any of us handled anything well after you kicked the bucket, Benny-boy. So- whatever! C’est la vie. All in the past.” Klaus waves his free hand again, a crease in his brow. This is definitely still bothering him, Ben decides.

Klaus will hassle his siblings with tiny, petty bullshit all day long, but the minute he has a serious problem, he’ll just laugh it off and ignore it.

“I know you, Klaus. You’re just waiting for everything to fall apart again. And I _get_ it. But we’re doing this whole second chance thing, and you deserve some closure too. We all do. Not just Vanya.”

“Oh, you know me _so_ well.” Klaus replies dismissively, looking distinctly more annoyed now, “You know, just because you were _stuck_ with me for years doesn’t make you my fucking _guru_ or something-”

“I’m not trying to be your guru, I’m just trying to _help_ you.” Ben stresses, and Klaus stands up and glares at him.

“No, you’re just trying to manhandle my life now that you actually have a body!”

“That’s not true and you know it, Klaus, I just want you to get better after all this-”

“Better? You want me better?” Klaus snaps, mirroring Ben when he slaps both his hands down on the bar, looking Ben in the eye. “What do _you_ know about better? You’re just as fucked as everyone else!”

Ben furrows his brow and opens his mouth to say something. He’s cut off by Klaus scoffing loudly, digging his hands in his pockets for a cig and a lighter. “You keep acting like you’re the Klaus expert! You know everything because you watched me piss my life away, yeah, we all get it, Ben! Thanks for telling _me_ how to live _my_ life! You want me to get some fucking closure? Here’s a tip for you-”

Klaus whirls around with an lit stick in his hand, pointing it at his brother. “Maybe next time you watch your brother get dragged off to a mausoleum and he begs you for help, _listen to him_.” He spits, venom in his eyes, “You listened to me have panic attacks over my ‘ _special training_ ’, but then you let him just- just cart me off again to a good ol’ one on one with dad! Yay Ben and his all knowing, holier than thou _horseshit_! The spineless bastard has done it again!”

“And what did you get out of it, huh?” Klaus asks, tears welling up in his eyes while he glares at Ben. “Nothing. You just- just had one more day as daddy’s perfect little boy! Totally worth your brother being locked up, right?”

He takes a shaky breath, beginning to pace, and all Ben can do is listen, staring, fists clenched.

“You never defended me. You never once stood up for me, or yourself, or anything. So maybe it’s all well and good now, second chances, what the fuck ever- You’re a dead man walking on a mission to _fix_ everyone, yay! But you want me to get some closure, Ben? Then why the fuck could you never _help_ me?” There are tears running down his face now, and losing steam while he tries to wipe them away. “Everyone always thought you were so good, but when were you good to _me_ ? When were you good to me when it _mattered_?”

Ben stands there, completely lost for once. He feels smaller than he usually does in his 13 year old body. He can honestly say he didn’t see this coming, but maybe he should have. He just.. Always thought it was him and Klaus as a team, a pair. He’s been thinking about himself as Klaus’ champion for the past few years, when he’d already failed his brother from the beginning.

“Klaus.” He starts, then stops. His brother sniffs, arms crossing over his chest while he waits for excuses and bullshit. “I....”

“..is that it?”

“No, quit it, just-” Ben makes a frustrated noise, putting his elbows down on the bar and running both hands through his perfect hair while he thinks. “I… I remember that day. Okay? I think about it sometimes.”

“Great, thanks-”

“ _Klaus_ . Just let me _talk_.” He grits out, sighing before he looks back up at his brother. “I remember. And I feel like crap every time I think about it.” Klaus raises his brow at this, and he continues. “I should’ve said something. You’re right. I should’ve at least tried.” Ben lowers his head down against the bar, hands still clenched in his hair.

“I should’ve tried. I was your best friend and I should’ve tried, but I- I let you down, and _fuck_ , I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Klaus."

He hesitantly looks up at his brother, and it’s harder than he thought it’d be. The Hargreeves were never in the business of giving out apologies, and he’s ill prepared, but he’s trying to be honest, take his own advice, and maybe that’ll count for something.

“Oh.” Klaus says, staring at Ben with a baffled expression. “I-” After a pause, he hesitantly takes a step forward, then another, until he’s awkwardly standing next to the bar. “I don’t actually.. Know what to say? I mean.” He coughs, wiping a stray tear away, “I guess that’s what I.. wanted to hear, and- like, thanks? Is that what you say?”

Ben lifts his head slowly, letting his grip on his hair go. “I…. think? I didn’t think this far ahead.”

“...and you’re like, you’re not mad at me for saying all that?” Klaus bites his lip, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

“No. No, you deserved that. I deserved that.” Ben shrugs a shoulder, and they’re both left standing against the bar in complete awkwardness.

But then the corner of Klaus’ mouth starts to lift slightly, and Ben thinks maybe this wasn’t a half bad start on this whole closure thing.

“Cool. We should do this again sometime.”

Ben snorts, standing up straighter now, “Oh, yeah, I have a list of things I have to rant at you for.”

“What- Ben, noo, that’s not what I meant. You’re bullying me, stop it.” He whines, starting to pout a moment before dropping the act and grinning. He reaches over and tousles Ben’s hair, messing it up even more. “..just. Maybe not today. Maybe we limit it to one bullshit closure session a week.”

“One ‘bullshit closure session’ a week.” Ben smacks his hand away, starting to smile back. “You got it.”

**Author's Note:**

> will all my works in this series circle back to actually being about ben and his own healing? probably. im back on my bullshit, baby
> 
> rejected names for this fic:
> 
> 'let ben say fuck'  
> 'ben can go over his childhood and all his regrets as much as he wants and psychoanalyze himself but that doesnt mean he doesnt have to fucking apologize for being complicit in his brothers abuse'  
> 'bullshit closure session #1'
> 
> thanks for reading, and as always, comments are appreciated! they inspire me to write more! and also, come chat with me on tumblr at [karturtle](http://karturtle.tumblr.com/)


End file.
